When in a relationship and one has betrayed the others trust, the biggest hurdle we face is Getting or Gaining that trust back. This question came to mind because very often throughout any relationship trust is constantly going to be lost. Trust is part of a relationship for as long as the relationship lasts. This lies true because we grow constantly
- as individuals whether we know it or not, (both people meaning 2)
- as a unit (relationship) we grow whether we know it or not.
So with the 3 evolutions constantly taking place there will be a constant loss, which means there will be a constant “OPPORTUNITY” for trust to be rebuilt. Trust can only be “rebuilt” if you are ready, willing, and capable of allowing each other to show that you are trustworthy and you are open to granting the person your trust over and over again.
One person stated that in order to get it back, “you just do it, but to watch for the signs.” Now myself, a person who was not so easily swayed by those who have betrayed my trust. I am here to tell you that I too am learning this very lesson. I do suggest that to get it back, you should just trust the person who is asking and working. However DO NOT look or watch for the signs, WHY? Because when you do not trust a person EVERYTHING, I repeat EVERYTHING is a red flag and a sign. This leaves no room for the person to build, get, or gain your trust, both efforts have been a complete waste by focusuing on the signs that sent you in a whirlwind to begin with. I have learned that in order to rebuild the trust that is now lost you have to:
- Figure out within yourself what it is that makes you not trust them.
- What did they do to make this happen?
- What did you do to make them or not see it happening?
- DO YOU WANT TO TRUST THIS PERSON AGAIN/ IS IT WORTH IT?
- Communicate with the other person that you are not currently able to trust them and tell them why, tell them that you want to trust again and mean it.
- Give them the opportunity to win your trust back, only if they ask for forgiveness and they want to work on rebuilding that trust.
- Take notice of their efforts, do not throw things in their face, and TELL THEM when they are making progress, TELL THEM when you have built that “bridge of trust” back with them.
It is hard to know that a person is really working for your trust when all you are focused on is the fact that they betrayed it. But if you let go of the issue, or at least settle the issue with yourself that caused the initial betrayal. You will be better able to have more of an open mind and you become more receptive of their actions and their efforts. Negative things and reminders will fight to force their way back in because that’s the hurt in you, it’s your defense mechanism to keep your heart safe. You have to use better judgement of the mind and let your heart know that it is okay to trust again. What I did (man oh man did it HELP!!! Thank goodness, because I was about to be a mess if it had not of worked), was I told the other person that I was having negative feelings and thoughts even though they were working and “literally showing me” that they are trustworthy. The person understood and WE moved forward positively as individuals and as a unit.
I wanted to share this because it’s so heartbreaking to see perfectly good relationships and marriages end because of the lack of understanding that trust is a constant effort in any and all relationships. Are there some people out there that just CAN NOT be trusted? Absopositivelutely LOL these people are the ones who ask for forgiveness and do not work. The ones who work and repeat the same offense over and over again as if they have no ideal that it affected both of you and the relationship the first time around. These are NOT the people I’m encouraging you to be willing to constantly rebuild the “bridge of trust” with. The ones I am speaking of are those that communicate and work with you, the ones who work and do not have repeat offenses, those who are fighting blood, sweat, soul, spirit, heart, and tears to win your trust back….THOSE ARE TRUSTWORTHY PEOPLE.
Please do take some time to clarify the level and value of trust in your relationship. Evalauate yourself before you evaluate the person, because both play an important role in the rebuilding stage. As long as the cost is clear proceed with LOVE, do not allow it to be lost because of miscommunications about trust and the inability or unwillingness to trust. LOVE is so much more than what we think it is and its much more valuable than we are able to grasp. Which is why we all yearn for it and live our entire lives searching for it from one special person.
“The “Bridge of Trust” takes two people to build and two people to cross hopefully you walk across it multiple times hand in hand until the end of time.”
TRUST LOVE and let LOVE TRUST you