Recently I have been exposed to many women and men who seem to only see the bad side of things. I thought about them in many ways and I wondered just exactly why they could only see the negative and struggled with seeing the positive. I quickly remembered my many days of seeing the darkness while searching for the tiniest speckle of light in the midst of it all. I came to the realization that not everyone searches for that light and not everyone knows that THEY have to look for the light. Instead some think there should be someone to come and rescue them, that there is no way out of the darkness because there is no light. That someone else controls the light and the ability to turn the light on.
Every part of my spirit became more and more curious, I wanted to know just exactly what caused these women and NOW (since the thought was provoked) the men as well to hinder themselves from seeing the positive aspect of things. How do you break yourself out of the negative chains that hold you captive in your own heart and mind?
During my drive into work this morning I had a thought, the question came to mind….
What do you think causes a person to be bitter or angry after a break up or divorce?
This is for MEN too because they become bitter and angry after breakups and divorce also it isn’t just women.
It was very intriguing to see the responses and reasons. I don’t ever recall being a bitter person because I know how it feels to not be happy and to be hurt so I wouldn’t wish any negativity or pain on another person. I didn’t get much of a reaction or response from men. Most women identified being bitter as betrayal, not leaving when they should have, feeling dumb, stupid, or fooled for being in the relationship/marriage when they know they should have left and never stayed. There were two that stood out the most to me.
- Being bitter because of the way the relationship/marriage ended
- The hurt that was caused from the relationship
The first one I had to ask questions just to make sure I was grasping exactly what she was saying. Eventually I understood that some people prefer a smooth ending that does not imply harshness to either person. I for one cannot say that a smooth ending would be better than a rough ending for me because I was the one who did the leaving. I will not be able to speak for everyone when I say that my experience was me being bitter I’m sure the hurt and pain is what influenced my discombobulated behavior. I didn’t under any circumstance want another person to feel the way I felt or to ever hurt me again. I was willing to be happy and mingle with people, you know let them in just enough to have a relationship but not enough to open up and love wholly and completely. I still wanted others to be happy and live fulfilling lives, just DON’T hurt me. I was afraid of that type of love because I had allowed myself to be open and let people in and with each person I became more and more hurt than I was the previous time. Some may identify this as not healing from the past hurt and pain and I won’t beg to differ. But I will relate that to being bitter because to me a person being bitter is setting up those guarded walls and not allowing people to come in, just like hurt people sometimes hurt people. Other hurt people are afraid people will hurt them again. I thought about the emotions of being bitter because like I said, “I have faced quite a few bitter people recently and seeing their struggle helped me identify where I came from.
They always say,
“You may not know why you are experiencing what you’re experiencing until after you have grown out of it.”
I found myself fighting and crying, struggling to find out why people felt I was so mean and angry. Why people felt the need to fear me and just why in the hell I needed to calm down and chill! “What the hell did I do wrong!!??? That’s the question I consistently asked myself. I am not upset, I am chill and calm, it’s when you tell me to chill and calm down that is actually when I get pissed off! What I was not able to capture coming from within myself was that I yelled, A LOT, I was always hypersensitive and extremely hyper-vigilant. It was hard to distinguish because I was always in this mode, able to see and feel all the things that people were hiding. Because those were things I was feeling and hiding. I saw and felt all the things people ignored and pretended wasn’t there. Because I wasnt aware, pretended, and ignored that those exact same feelings were actually there inside of me. Once I did grasp the fact that “I” wanted to obtain grace for myself, within myself, from myself, and I opened myself up to receiving and practicing it. The blackout curtains came off, the brick walls that had been lowered but not all the way destroyed, they crumbled, and there I stood…. Spirit bare naked and afraid but ready because I was tired of being afraid of the thing I truly wanted to feel and enjoy in life the most, LOVE just one more time at least …just one more time. Me being afraid others were going to hurt me is what made others afraid of me. Me not seeing that the “way” I responded and reacted is what made people feel I was mean and angry. All of these things played a major role into me being bitter, me being hurt and in pain because I allowed so much of myself to be given out that I didn’t save enough of me for me. My hurt from not getting the equal amount of love I expected in return from many people and a lot of my previous relationships is what made me bitter. All I wanted was for someone to love me the way I loved them. To cherish me the way I cherished them, not once did I think that the only person that could give me the type of love I was searching for was ME. I had to come to the acknowledgement that expecting a certain type of love to be reciprocated is absurd and to expect people to love you just because you love them is even more than absurd. To literally get the same type of love you give out is beyond real life. Because no one in this world will or is actually going to love you the way you love yourself or others.
To keep from being or becoming that bitter person the best thing I can say (that worked for me) is Love without terms and conditions. In no way am I saying that you should not be loved in return, but what I am saying, is love because that is what you truly want to do and you are more than okay with doing. When you find yourself in the midst of giving out more than you are receiving channel that amount of love you want returned to yourself. Throw out your bitter panties and boxers and acknowledge that your love is your love and love in general is just that… LOVE. Take it for what it is …. Variable acts of emotions coming in and going out from each and every person in each and every type of relationship in many different ways. In the end of it all you have the option of choice to choose if the love you are giving and getting is warranted for you….
Let go and at least love yourself again, eventually one day you just may love someone else AGAIN.
Keep in mind that love does come with bad times, breathe and focus on identifying and working with yourself first to get through them. It makes it easier to take love with you along the way.
LOVE💖 and LIGHT💡