So for a long time I have struggled with setting up boundaries with people who I love, you know like, siblings, husband, parents, close/best friends … those types of people. Now I know you’re probably already thinking:
- Why do you need boundaries for people who are so close and important to you?
- Because they are so important and close to you shouldn’t they know your boundaries?
- Shouldn’t they know you so well that they know what to do and what NOT to do?
Truth be told, it’s hard for an individual to pick out their boundaries because we do not always know what we will and will not tolerate until we experience it. We can say one thing and then actually do another, the perspective changes when you’re looking from the outside in and when you’re actually looking at the inside from the outside. This boundary journey is not so easy when you have to acknowledge that:
“what you cannot handle may hurt the ones you love.”
What I mean by that is sometimes we aren’t able to tolerate things or behaviors from our loved ones, so we have to leave them be during times they need us the most. It seems bad and unloving to not be there for your loved ones but the truth is you have to keep self together for self.
How else can your love and affection have an impact on others if you don’t allot those things for yourself?
Setting up boundaries comes from a place of hurt, each and every person has experienced something in life that has caused them to say, “I will NEVER allow someone to treat me that way again, or allow people to do what they do to me again.” We become familiar with what we do and do not want once our limits have been pushed to the max. If we aren’t careful enough to pay attention to what is transpiring then it will come as a surprise when something happens to make us release the beast from within. Typically that is what happens when we are stretched thin and pushed beyond our limits/or personal boundaries. When the smoke is clear you will hear the words, “They kept messing with me/ They asked for it! I told them to stop.” That’s apparent that you knew your limit was
- Already crossed and you decided to not address the situation.
- By not addressing the crossed boundary, you suppress what you feel from the first incident.
- Normally it happens again and yet another time if not many times after this you suppress the feelings you had from the first encounter and now the encounters that follow.
- Is usually the point that you can no longer take anymore and you blow up. Which makes you look bad because now you are not who you say you are.
The point being made is when you feel as though you are about to burst you have allowed and talked yourself, even suppressed yourself beyond your boundaries.
Take a moment and imagine you are a TREE. Whatever tree you want to be…
Your feet are the roots buried deep within the ground to hold you strong, firm, and steady…
You stand short or you stand tall
You have branches as few or as many that you prefer to have.
You have leaves of whatever color, texture, and shape you like.
Feel yourself become one with the ground and the sky.
Feel the wind blow through your leaves and your branches.
Feel the vibration from the song the birds that are nestled in your heart are singing.
Now take a moment to feel and embrace the different types of weather; sunshine, rain, sleet, snow, tornadoes, hurricanes, and so much more.
The leaves are your emotions….
Which ones do you nurture and encourage to grow?
Which ones will your branches detach from and let go?
Sometimes in life we hold onto to people and things that serve us no higher purpose.
Sometimes we hold onto people and things because of the HIGHER purpose they DO serve in our lives. the root of what they do and the position they hold; amazement, happiness, joy, love, life, protection, and warmth
We have to experience storms to shake those leaves loose, because of our unwillingness to let go of them we cannot bare anymore LIFE for another leaf to grow. The ones that we usually hold onto are either pain or joy. They either hurt so bad or they feel so good we don’t want to let go.
YUP it seems scary and hard to do, but just like the different types of leaves and weather you imagined changing, people and things in life change too. When you have that great foundation, your roots planted deep beneath the soil; your greatness and the greatness you know will blossom again and will surely grow.
Bad times in life and relationships don’t mean it’s the end. It’s time to let go and allow something great and new to begin once again.