Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, Balance, BlackPower, Family, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Unity

Restart With A Mindful Yew/You

With the Solar Eclipse happening on Monday, we all now have the chance to start fresh, begin again. A second chance at whatever it is that we were once wishing, praying for a do over on. The solar eclipse is and was a power button, the power button to life in all forms. Humans, animals, insects, reptiles, plants, and even water, let’s include the air because it bends, flows, and moves in ways that nothing and no one can.

In a long time, a very long 99 years the earth and those who live upon it have been in constant movement. Never truly giving ourselves a moment to just “be still” and look around. It’s so intriguing how when we don’t follow the rules of self nature has a way of making us move the way self was guiding us to begin with. Sunday in Midwest region it stormed, and it stormed bad. For some it was awful, for others like myself it was so damn refreshing. It was like the earth (or at least those of us in the path of the eclipse) were getting a release cleansing right along with the very planet we occupied.

You have to be clean in order to get dirty again. You have to empty in order to fill up otherwise you’re just overflowing (that isn’t always a bad thing but in this very instance we will say it is). In order to start again you must first of course, STOP….

Thank you Solar Eclipse…. Thank you Moon and Sun for coming together to bring humanity together. Thank you universe for being the leader in all that we aspire to be and do with you, our loved ones, and our time here.

We stopped to oooo and aahhhhh, we stopped to stare in amazement because it was something we have never witnessed before. We stopped to take pictures (it makes a statement that says, “Hey I was there when this happened). We stopped to bask in the rays of the sun that beamed from behind the moon itself. We stopped to see the ring and the diamond ring that appeared just as the moon/sun begin to shift it’s way back into rotation.

We started again, and some weren’t so sure that the moon and the sun continued on it’s journey so they continued to “be still”.

When the sun begin to shine bright as it normally does, the scenery changed. At least for me it did. I saw things not just with my eye sight but with my mind’s eye and within my spirit. Scarface’s song played in my subconscious “My Angel” I remembered the lyrics, the grass looked greener and the sun brighter”. Restarting my dreams the way they should have been in the first place. Restarting my confidence and belief in myself that not only can I make it in this world. But that “I will make it in this world!”

I paused for a moment because I had to realize that every wish, dream, and manifestation that I was creating at that very moment wasn’t just about me. It was about many others around me and those around me that I don’t even know exist.

Recently I published my website, I was beyond excited. I had viewers from Albequrque New Mexico and London, ON. That was an experience I never imagined happening, so I was in shock and self praising…. I DID IT Dammit! People on the other side of the world looked at me and what I represent. They looked at what I have and what I am giving to the people of this world and what I am giving to the universe. I thought about how whatever i say and do going forward has way much more weight and value to the ears, minds, souls, and spirits it is landing on. I thought about my choices affect other’s choices because now more than ever people around the world are watching me. I thought about how my reactions and responses have more energy behind them than they recently did within my small radius of boundaries. I thought about how accepting acknowledging, and being “Okay” with the consequences of my choices and decisions weigh on others.

If, no scratch that….Since I am a leader, the leader of #SelfLove and #SelfHappiness. The leader of #FindingMe. What better way to show my growth than y teaching what has been revealed to me.

  • When you don’t include yourself it’s difficult for you to include others into what you want to do and are choosing to do.
  • When you put others before you, you’re helping them erase your existence, your needs, and wants.


How sway right?

How can you be fulfilling to someone else if you have not fulfilled yourself first? If you constantly are putting others ahead of you then you will never know what it is that you need, want, like, love, etc.


  • Being Mindful of yew(that long living tree)/you keeps you in the know of what you need for yourself in order for you to help yourself so you can help others.

Root healing


When you are aware of what you need and want within self you are better able to cater to your needs and wants. That gives you the space to better assist and be a support to others.

  • Be aware that when you are doing and caring for yourself that you are also doing for others.

When we love and take care of ourselves we are also unknowingly taking care of others. When we’re happy our loved ones are happy when something goes wrong within our being something is troubled in our loved ones being. So whatever you put in is also pushed out and that alone either takes care of others or neglects others. it’s your option to either love yourself mindfully or be selfish with your self-love and self-happiness that you push out greatness or negativity.


  •  Accept that the choices you make don’t just affect you. They affect others also because how you choose to respond and react causes a response and reaction in and out of others.


When we choose, respond, act, and react without being mindful. We forget that what we unknowingly and knowingly choose to do causes a ripple effect in others. Primarily those around us. So be sure that the choice you decide to go with isn’t what you think to be about yourself.

How will you Restart With A Mindfuil Yew/You?


Posted in BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, Mental Health, Patience, Poetry Slam, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Strong Black Families, Unity

Fool is As Fool Does

When you have some anger, hurt, pain, abandonment, and hatred tied to your father, how do you or would you expect for your children not to have those same affections towards you? When all you’ve expressed to them are those emotions. You’ve taught them to love you as you love your father, where and why should there be an exception?

These are the questions I asked myself the weekend leading into April Fools Day…

I asked myself these questions because I so desperately wanted to express those thoughts and feelings to my father, OUR father… Shaking My Damn Head….

This was the first time in history that all of my father’s known children graced his presence at once. You would imagine and think that this would be a glorious moment not just for him but his children as well. It turned out to be what my sister labeled a “shit show.” Showing favoritism, and abandonment in its truest form. I never expected my father would show his true colors in such a degrading way. I could go on and on about how not just I was hurt by him this weekend. But how all of us leading down to his grandchildren were also hurt by this weekend. Exactly how much good will that do? More than likely NONE, absolutely positively NONE. 

So let me allow this to dwindle into the learning and growing parts of this trip. My intentions were to make peace and in making peace that entailed me making peace in the way I wanted it to be not the way it was intended for me to find my own peace with not just my father, but my children’s father. That peace was necessary because my children needed to see and know that regardless to the bullshit, their parents could get along and have a good time for their sake, forget our sake. Well to say the least their father and I did have peace and I hit some of his buttons as the peace was being made. It was nice to be around him and us not argue and fight. To not be worried if he would knock the hell out of me, (or as I use to worry more about in my past with him,) our children seeing him abuse me and talk to me in demeaning ways and being so flippancy with his choice of words. I was happy that things went well in that relationship, I enjoyed seeing my children smile from that. Having a feeling of security within their parents and our behavior/respect towards each other. One of the greatest foundations to bestart building.

Now my father I cannot say the same about him. There were things that were said and things that were done that I may never ever be able to help my children heal from. I’m okay with them healing on their own at their own pace as long as they heal. The moral of this aspect is I realized as the comments and statements were made that my father still held hatred and hurt. There was still pain, and disappointment in his heart for his father, just like us. His very own three children had in their hearts for him. He was angry with him for all the wrong things his father did. Unable to appreciate the small moments his father was there for him. I realized that as much as my father pretended to forget things and act as though he had grown past those things, he truly had not. He missed his mother but was too hurt to acknowledge that he wished he knew more about her and had a better bond with her. I kind of got the feeling that he wished his mother was around to save him from the things he “says” his father did to him. What’s so obvious about all of this is knowing that my grandfather spoke of his father mistreating and abusing him. With the wisdom of our elders, you would think he would say and do the opposite to his own children. His own 11-18 children. It’s intriguing yet sad how the things we say and do, our behaviors seem to trickle down genetically. We begin to wonder where the act of foolishness comes from but we never turn in. We never turn in to look to self and accept that it is within our being, and our DNA. The blow that hit me the most is my father could not comprehend that he too was doing the same things his father had done to him and his grandfather had done to his father. Genetically we all were each other, we all were one ….

I was blocking accepting that I would become this very same person inside of myself. Holding back tears, pain, and so much more.

Fighting the moments of me wanting to just lash out with anger, I held it all inside of me to not become that person inside of me.

My father is not the healthiest man in the world nor is he the sickest man in the world. I’m just willing to take in that one day he will not be here. I do not want my last days living as an adult like himself, to be spent the way he is spending his. Looking at a picture of his father (that he claims he does not want in his house) and still having no love for the man who helped give him life. I do not want to be living in the turmoil of hurt.  Wishing I had a better bond with my parents on any level, when they are right here right now. I may not be able to get the relationship and bond that I want, but I am able to get something from them. What I am able to get, give, and receive is time, forgiveness, moments (no matter how big or small) of happiness, and just actually “knowing” my parents for who they are and what they represented. Their gift to their loved ones, life, and the world we live in.

I walked away with some bumps and bruises, and I’ll take those any day over scars and wounds that need more than just time to heal. 

I wanted to add “Maya Angelou’s Poem:  Mourning Grace” just to shed some light on the things we blame others for, they are  truly a part of us. If it weren’t a part of who we are then how are we able to identify it in others? How can we ask something of our children we are not willing to give our parents? Reflection is such an important niche to have. To me it is one of the key things that can help us pick up on what we need to address within self before we think about turning a finger on someone else.

Mourning Grace                                 By: Maya Angelou

If today I follow death, 

go down it’s trackless wastes, 

salt my tongue on hardened tears 

for my precious dear time’s waste 


along that promised cave in a headlong



Will you 




to mourn for


“Love with grace while they are alive and you can love them with peace when they are gone.”


Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, Balance, BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Unity

Difficult Self(Root)-Healing?

Our memories,

Our memories are tied to our feelings at the time of the event. If we were in a place that made us feel afraid then whatever happened at that place is tied to fear. If we were happy during the moment then we relate the memory to happiness. If we experienced a traumatizing moment then our memories are tied to specific things that we focused on in that time of being traumatized.


  1. Pull up those roots
  2. detox; cleanse your wound
  3. Nurture; tend to your wounds and spirit.
  4. Set up boundaries

Bonus: Find your growth from the pain. Do not allow it to be the reason you don’t live your life with inner peace, self happiness, and self love. 

We are going to get more than just mental, spiritual, and emotional, let’s include some physical work with this. Think of yourself as a plant, flower, or something that grows with tender love and care. What does your spirit resonate with well? What speaks to you and syncs with your being?

Find your roots of pain and imagine yourself ripping them out of yourself! Don’t be afraid of the pain you’re already experiencing it. You’ve been experiencing it, and you’ve been holding onto it for how long!? It isn’t an easy task to identify the pain within us at times, because it isn’t like we always know the pain exists. When you find it no matter what the case may be rip those roots of hurt, anger, and pan out of you. Create the space for the wound to do what it will naturally do best. HEAL

Detox, cleanse, purge I mean literally let go of the things that plague your mind, body, soul, and spirit. At some point you have a choice to accept that your pain will only stay there because of you not letting go of it. Darkness can only be present when your light refuses to shine. When you refuse to shine. Do not put anything or anyone in this space that you have opened up. You need to allow yourself to be clear and cleansed of your dis-ease.

Nurture your wound(s) give yourself some me time. Love yourself the best way you are able to love yourself and the way you wish others would have loved you. The way you trusted, expected, and depended on them to love you. If you wished your parents loved you more love yourself in those ways. If you wish your siblings would have done more sibling bonding type of things. Then bond with yourself int hose ways and fashions. There are times when we begin our healing process that we aren’t capable of putting out that type of love for ourselves to ourselves. This is okay it comes with time, patients, and compassion. There are people out there that want to love us in the ways we want, need, and deserve to be loved. The way we wanted those other people to love us. These are the people we call our second moms and dads, our best friends that become like a sister/brother to us. These people will love you unconditionally, you just have to allow them to and you also have to allow yourself to love yourself unconditionally as well. do not abuse these people’s types of love either. It isn’t always easy to love others during a healing process. there are ups, downs, turn arounds, and so much more. Just be willing wot work on the relationship with each other and give each other the space and time needed to help your relationship grow.

Setting up boundaries are largely confused with having walls within us that keep people from ever entering into our realms. Walls are just that different, you have to tear them down, access windows, doors, and maybe even keys in order to get into the lives of those people who have these walls in their beings. Boundaries are different, they give the space necessary to see, respond, react, and more importantly trust yourself with allowing people to come closer. Imagine standing inside of a circle however big or small is completely up to you. However big or small determines a lot of what you will and will not tolerate. Once you have established these boundaries if it makes matters better write them down and hang them up in a place where you are reminded of your own boundaries and others see them to. It builds respect for self and others as well as them building more respect for you.

Grow through it and Grow OUT OF IT!!!! You are not your experiences and you are not your pain, it does not define you. That is not who you are meant to be, it was only meant for you to learn and grow from. 

Back to the item of growth be it plant, flower, food, or another thing that grows with your help. I want you to remember these things:

  • Some plants/flowers require more work to help them stay alive than others do. Some do not require much work at all. Once you resonate and sync yourself with this plant/flower/thing I want you to journal how it feels to cater to something so needy, tedious, or independent. Which one are you?
  • If you do not care for your plant/flower/thing you have allowed it to die. you have allowed your healing process to die as well.
  • congratulate yourself and be happy that you have at least began the process of healing. It isn’t an easy thing, it feels good, and the most important thing I want you to take from this is It takes time to get to the other side that you really want to be at. The finish line is there just focus on your progress of staying in the race.

I’m happy that you found a new place to plant the seeds of love and light inside of the dark spots of your mind, body, spirit, and soul.

You Can Heal

Live Tonight @ 8:08 p.m.


Posted in Balance, BlackPower, Family, Mental Health, Patience, Positive Thinking, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love

I Am Accomplishments

Dear Me,

Yup, we’re are back to March and possibly even the beginning of this year. You’ve been working so hard and you never took the time to stop and acknowledge all that you have accomplished. Yes, I know some things you left on the back burner because the dust hasn’t quite settled so your focus isn’t as clear as YOU want it to be. You are still able to see. Stop holding yourself back from releasing and being free. Ughhhhh! Right now this seems so hard to do. I never imagined coming to this point in life ever. What the hell is wrong with me!?

That’s the question that keeps jogging through my mind. Yes even the coach has to stop and re-asses the next play.

At a point where I have to decide if I need to push or pull. Figuring out what and who needs the push, (obviously me) and what or who needs the pull (again obviously me). The skill of balancing self on the inner and outer being requires precision, strategy, logical thinking, and the ability to remain at peace with self, everyone else, and everything going on around you.  Taking the negative and allowing it to put in a position of growth. Embracing the positive and letting it be the reminder of how humble we must remain. It’s the gratuity that gives the blessings to appreciate where we are in life and how we must be grateful of the current position before we are able to level up to the desired position. With all do respect I want to share a moment of insecurity that has finally brought itself to a head.

The other night I was preparing myself mentally and spiritually for a major event. A once in a lifetime type of event. As I showered I burned a few candles, my zodiac candle for me and a candle for the world (once in a lifetime type of event). I had to be ready to face the world, which means I also had to face me. As I cleansed and washed more than my dirt from the day away. My mind began to wonder into the future and my past was there to make me acknowledge what was holding me back.

A few years back I worked in a urology office. I felt proud of myself. I was living out my career dreams and helping people. I stood by their side as they went through surgeries and procedures. I held the hands of people who feared the pain and discomfort, they feared the results of tests. I was there to reassure them that even on the worst day possible you can still smile. You would imagine that this would be a great thing to do and a great aspect of performance in the medical field. How quickly I realized that even the most caring person was not the best person. At least not to everyone is this a great quality to posses. There was one doctor in particular, no matter what I did it was never enough. No matter how hard I worked, and abandoned my children, my family. I still was a horrible medical assistant. To make a long story short word wrestling was our version of fist fighting. For me he didn’t appreciate me asking for help and surprisingly no one in the entire building knew how to operate the machine that he invented. Needless to say this turned into me getting fired from my position. I was more than okay with this. I’m a family person and I felt lower than low for leaving my children standing out in the cold. Not cooking dinner on many nights because I was reviewing notes and mocking the way the doctors worked in the hopes of coming out from being under the radar. What hit me and hurt me the most is what he said:

“You’re a great person and you have a great heart but you’re a horrible MA.” “You will never be good enough no matter what you do.” 

Of course my response was: “Nothing and no one is ever good enough for you Dr. Noogey” (not his real name for identity purposes). As I showered and I faced my reality I accepted that for a long time I held onto that comment he made about me. I let it become me and define me. I allowed it to be the fear of not being good enough for myself, for my family, my husband, my business, my everything and that included my once in  a lifetime type of event.


I never would have imagined the torture I allowed myself to hold onto would imprison my being and my gift to this world. It’s been a long time coming but change always comes whether we like it or not. This is my change and the change I’m sharing with you all. This entry was meant to happen a few weeks back. At this point maybe a month back. The goal was to acknowledge our accomplishments and write down what has been done in an effort to balance out what hasn’t been done yet. I’m using this platform of listing my accomplishments to yes of course “pull” back my self-esteem. Yes, I am good enough and I am more than good enough to deliver my gift to the world. To “push” out the negativity and hone in on the positivity.

I am my gift and my gift is me. My gift makes me good enough beyond the seed of self-doubt I allowed to be planted within me.

With me pulling up the roots of this plant or weed for lack of a better term. I still have work to do. I have soil that needs shifting and nurturing to. I have an open slot in my garden of self to plant something new.

Let’s take a moment to VIEW all that you have done versus all that you have exhausted yourself in not doing.

Within this year alone, I have

  • Grown through my personal career
  • Grown through my pain and experiences
  • I have launched my Business page on social media
  • I stepped into a powerful movement for women
  • I created my own pens and notebooks for the FindingMe Family
  • I mustred up the confidence to get some business cards
  • I walk in grace and humbleness
  • I embraced me in ways I have never known to embrace self

These are just some of the things I DID.

The point in conclusion is we do not give ourselves half the amount of credit for the things we actually see through. We look to others for recognition and appreciation. WE accept and for some odd reason can only acknowledge the positivity from others instead self. Our greatest appreciation shouldn’t be because someone else said we did it, it should be because we KNOW WE DID IT.

This time and for all of the next times I Know I Am Enough, I Am More Than Enough….


Posted in Balance, BlackLOVELives, BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

Fill Me Up Like The Moon

Dear Me, We, You…..

I was reading last night as I have been doing for the past week right before bed. I ran across this intriguing sentence that seemed to have turned on a light inside of my mind. Not that the light wasn’t on before, this was just a different light. A light of perspective and intuition. See this week I started reading before bed to help me unwind, remember I just admitted to not being able to sleep or shut off my brain. Well another reason I begin reading is because I have been having a horrendously major migraine that I just cannot seem to shake. It comes, it goes, its strong, its delicate, and it has held it’s persistency since the beginning. Usually a good nap, some great food, hot shower, something is able to relieve me of my pain and the annoyance of the pain. To my avail nothing and I do mean nothing was sufficient enough to aid me or comfort and console the plaguing migraine. Reading has become a distraction to help me at least fall asleep and calm my mind. Nonetheless that isn’t the aim of this bedtime journal entry.

Back to the thing, the thing that turned on the light in my head….

The sentence….“The last kernel in the bottom of the can.” I had begun to feel like the last kernel in the popcorn can. The light inside of my mind, helped me to realize that I have more than just a tendency to empty myself out prior to every Full Moon. I empty myself out and prepare to be filled back up to the maximum amount I am capable of filling myself up to. It has almost become a part of my 28 day cycle. A form of detoxing and or purging. A way to burn out and recharge. On a daily basis I Am giving and receiving, nurturing and watering, strengthening myself as I grow. I Am pouring myself out to be of service to self and others, so that I may be filled up again to continue my purpose.

If I never allow myself to truly empty out all of the things that actually do have the power to plague my spirit. Then I Am never really growing into what was written for me to be. With every plant that lives and every breath that breathes we must first utilize and consume the nutrients given and provided to us before we need, want, and receive more.

With all that is in this world and the people of this world need to grow from and let go of I will the power of the Super Strawberry Full Moon to supply the strength necessary within ones self/itself. To dive deep inside of self and pull up the weeds that are destroying and killing the gardens of #SelfLove & #SelfHappiness

Fill me up like the moon, Fill me up like the moon, Fill me up like the moon;

Let my heart be happy soon, Let my heart be happy soon, Let my heart be happy soon

Pour out to be filled, Pour out to be filled Pour out to be filled. 

Let the soul cry so the spirit can heal, Let the soul cry so the spirit can heal, Let the soul cry so the spirit can heal. 

3 times 3 times 3 times 3 

I will it so, so will it BE 

Place the power of Love In Light Inside of Thee

I Did It..

I filled up like the moon

Posted in Balance, BlackLOVELives, BlackPower, Family, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity


So earlier this week I was challenged to do a video about manifestation.
What is manifestation, how does manifestation work, how do I know if I am doing it right?
So many questions ran through my mind about reaching my perspective audience and viewers. I wanted so badly to make sure I answered foreseen questions so people would at least give it a shot. Test your manifestation skills. I procrastinated a lot because normally I do NOT write out what I will say I like to let my intuition and wisdom guide me in the right direction. So finally after a few days of whirlwinds in life that we all have, and finally choosing to set a tone and date and time. I laid back in my car during my lunch break and did a rough draft video, something I could listen to go back change and work from there. I was combating with a migraine that started brewing at the beginning of this week and it finally hit me hard enough to make me STOP, to make everything stop and for me to just rest and recharge. Planning to get this video done was at a stand still and it gave me a sigh of relief because for a moment I started to feel unsure of myself. Last night was round two of relaxing and getting my being back together, as soon as I snuggled into my comfort zone I quickly remembered that my deadline for the Manifestation video was the 8th! It’s something about the infinite sign that pushes me in ways I don’t want to be pushed. Still feeling a mess among looking a mess I gathered myself and did another 3 video before actually going with my final one. now the kicker to this story is I order a notebook and pen with my logo on it last week and was overtly anxious to receive it. I just had to feel it and see it in person, hold it in my hand. Well I received it and held it in my hand, looked at it with my own two eyes and was happy with what I designed. I didn’t know what this notebook would be used for but I knew it was meant to be a part of #FindingMe. I promised Dr. Sonia that I would write it out and push the necessary and needed energy behind it. My husband told me to wait and do it today, on Friday, Full Moon day. He felt that me being underneath my spirit would transfer into the video and it wouldn’t come out as best as I would like it to. Stubborn me pushing forward I tightened myself up and grabbed that brand new #FindingMe notebook and pen and to work I went. Writing and creating, Manifesting what this video became.
As I read the words on the page and felt the energy behind what I wrote I begin to brew and cook up more than just some manifestation. I begin speaking things and seeing things. I begin calling others to not just dream and wish for their futures because dreaming and wishing is the best way to describe what manifesting is to someone new. I coached others into actually “seeing” their future. Not with their human, body’s eyes, but with their minds eye…..
Manifesting is like prayer:
  • you dream 
  • You’re inspired
  • You ask
  • You receive 

Here are my 4 steps to manifesting

  1.  Know what you want and the type of person you want. 
  2. Make/create the room for it/them to come to you. 
  3. Believe once you have asked. 
  4. DO NOT, I repeat do not feel negative, speak negative, speak against what you have put into manifestation. DO NOT doubt it. 

Bonus: Have the confidence and respect of self in knowing it’s yours, that it belongs to you and you are worthy and more than capable. Otherwise everything you have created will either vanish into thin air as if it were never there to begin with. Or it takes a detour and makes it longer to come to you. 

Then you are left to start over literally 

I never wrote that down.
See with your minds eye (3rd eye) what your future beholds.
You are manifestation
Posted in Balance, BlackPower, Family, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

Which One Are YOU?

I woke up this morning with a lot of thoughts about my dreams that were racing through my mind. One thought after another, they all begin to come and fade away. But something stuck, something resonated, I had to share it. I ignored it for a moment because just like most humans we doubt that what we say and do in this lifetime and in this world will have an affect/effect. So we choose to keep it to ourselves and remain silent. But this, it beckoned my soul to be released and set free.

See not to long ago we and by we I mean the #FindingMe Group were discussing how what we don’t like in others is something that resonates within self. It resonates within self if we look deep enough to see that game recognize game instead pointing the finger at the betrayer when the betrayer is self. Well out of me feeling less than effective I chose to start my day and as I begin to drive my children to their destinations being school I paused mentally for a moment and I asked them to do a challenge for me, for them, for us.

Just for the day, TODAY, 

I want you to perform a 3 step challenge today just to see how what we do attracts others of like minds. How we mirror each other, how we invite things and people along problems, situations and circumstances into our beings, our worlds, our lives, and our spirits.

Are you ready?
Step 1:
Act ratchet and obnoxious, see who and what comes your way and see who and what leaves your presence.
Step 2:
Act classy with poise, grace, mannerism, and etiquette. See who and what comes your way and who and what leaves your presence.
Step 3:
Which one do you prefer to be around, and behave like,which one is the way you prefer to be viewed. More importantly which one are you?

Once I get home and dinner is served, you know when we sit at the table as a family, no electronics, no television just people, family, food, and real conversation. We will discuss what happened and how it happened, what or how did they feel noticing that their actions contribute to their learning and trials of life. So many times I see and hear adults, grown adults complaining about what isn’t right and what is wrong. Pointing their finger at the other person, wondering, “where they went wrong?” For someone THEY loved and trusted to do them so bad. Not for one second thinking what happened on their end how did they contribute to the driving forces that push against their greater good.

All these things left to question without an answer because those are the answers we do not seek from self, only from someone else. 

What usually tends to happen is we behave and act certain ways and then when people come to us that act those very same ways, we look at them in disgrace and wonder what in the world made such a person come our way? WE did because that’s what and who we are and what/ who we are attracting into our lives. So when you get around people who don’t seem to fit the puzzle of life, YOUR LIFE, don’t freight, just re-address yourself and the atmosphere. Have you welcomed them or did they come to teach you a lesson of letting go, one of growth, one of self-change, one of acknowledgement, one of reflection? whatever it may be if you expect or want things and people around you to change and grow, then YOU TOO MUST CHANGE AND GROW.

Now don’t forget with change and growth that means you shed new skin and you travel onto different places and sometimes those people you want to change and grow with you may not be ready, they may not be willing, and they may not know exactly how to implement that into their lives.

Just don’t let their abilities of being stagnant settle inside of you, “Remember” WHO & WHAT YOU ARE, WHO & WHAT YOU WANT TO BE, WHO & WHAT YOU ARE DESTINED TO BE…. 

Which One of These Types Of People Are You?

I AM…..

Posted in BlackLOVELives, BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

8=Infinity; 8=Balance

The greatest thing I have found to be beneficial about finding that balance within self and maintaining that balance within self is you give people the ability to choose which side of the scale they tip… Whether it’s the good side or the bad side, it’s up to the tipper.


Nine years ago I was growing through a major turning point in life as a mother and beginning the ending of an additional pain in my life as a now ex-wife. What I didn’t realize until just last night is something new was about to take place and be planted in the soil of my soul. I was about to meet the love of my life and I was also about to begin the journey of obtaining #Self-Love. I wasn’t aware that self-love had found me and nor was I aware that in a matter of months I would be meeting this amazing spirit.. the spirit that balances me and I balance him.

At a moments glance I would’ve never guessed it was him, the man I had parked next to at Wal-greens, the man I walked past in Wal-greens. But after we met, and we spoke, and we begin to build a friendship. I went to visit him one day and I noticed his car, it was the same car I had seen before, the same car at Wal-greens on that day. I was frozen in time,, we had the same car at Wal-greens and still the same car at that very moment. I of course stood there thinking, gazing, and wondering exactly what was happening before my very own eyes.

So I begin questioning him:

  • Is that your green Cadillac Catera?
  • How long have you lived here?
  • Do you remember a year or so ago parking next to me, us staring at each other without speaking?

****** I Remember You!!!*****

We traveled down memory lane and for a long time he vaguely remembered that small but powerful moment we shared, but it was powerful enough to make him wonder, to make him STAY and find out exactly what all am I ABOUT.

We remained friends and time passed by, I was getting my divorce moving and he was just living and enjoying some of life. Even though he was my friend I was always more than just attracted to him. He had the touch to calm and send my spirit high all at once. His kiss was caressing the cortisol within my brain, his voice… mmmm mmmm mmmm his voice would send chills all over my body. I just couldn’t understand how a man younger than me had so much power over me, over my mind, my body, my spirit…. HOW COULD THIS BE!? I was stronger than that and hell I even knew better than to let a man take control of ME, but him…. he was my weakness. We never hit a “home-run” and I was the reason for that, I’m laughing as I type because when the fire burned, it BURNED and I got the hell out of there immediately.

infinity balance

I didn’t run because I didn’t want to fuse with him, I ran because I knew once we did fuse together things we were not ready for would start happening. More importantly I knew I was not ready to give him the woman he needed, wanted, and rightfully deserved. I was selfish and spoiled when it came to men back then. What I wanted I got and there were no exceptions and or substitutes. To get into the purpose of this writing I wanted to share how even though we are so very much alike in the relationships we create, I wanted to share the vast differences as well. I wanted to share the vast differences make us balance, they make us whole, they make us complete within self and with one another.

When I think of balance in life I think about the good and the bad, and most times people are taught that the good will outweigh the bad. For a long time I was a firm believer of that and I did more than just my best to  see and practice it because that is what I was taught and I was determined to live by that rule. I mean who really “WANTS” to just see and live the bad and nothing else? After many successful attempts and more than many failed attempts I started to wonder if it was something I was doing wrong, did somebody curse me or put a hex on me? Then recently I started seeing the number “8”, I have always been attracted to the infinity symbol, but now I was almost drawn into the yin yang symbol.

What was so powerful about this symbol, why was I so attracted to it, and why did it seem to have so much of an impact or influence on my life at its current moment?

Balance Shantay is all I could hear, ground yourself and just live in the moment. Pay attention to what is going on around you and enjoy the good times, breathe through the bad times. I soon begin to see that the reason I couldn’t find the happiness in my storms of the past is because I was so focused on the bad that had been happening in front of me. I was taking the lessons and learning them, but I was also consuming the hurt, and anger, the sadness, the pain, and abandonment among many other lower vibrational feelings and emotions I had experienced. I was allowing the bad to overpower the good.

“A “true” spiritual person is able to find peace and solidarity in any situation, whether it is good or bad.”


What does spirituality have to do with balance?

Well when you think about it, the good and the bad, we start to decipher the good and the bad of our past moments in life. We start to weigh out the good and bad within ourselves, and that has the potential to affect spirit, your energy, your attitude, and what you are projecting onto others and into the world. Now some may beg to differ and that is perfectly okay with me. I’m speaking on my experiences and the experiences of others that I have met within this lifetime. I have come to learn that once self is centered and grounded then and only then are you capable of bending and swaying with the uncertainty of chaos and trials. Then and only then are you able to bend and sway with the growing pains that come with the relationships that you are building or have already built. In relationships there will always be the one that does something better the other one does, someone that can help you stand tall, strong and firm when you aren’t able to stand tall, strong, and firm within self. There should always be the other person who is able and capable of loving you when you cannot love you. Those are the things that balance relationships, being able to allow the other person to be the yin and you be the yang, you become the yang when they are only able to be the yin.

Life has it’s laws with balance as well, it’s the give and take of things with life and people. They say you should:

“Put out what you want to come back.” 

I say that’s true, just not for every case and every person. When it comes to the things you want to receive in life then yes, you must put out there what you want to come back. When it comes to relationships and love, do not put out the love you want in return because the truth is no one, and I really mean, ABSOLUTELY no one can or will love you in that manner because that is the love you seek to receive. That is your love language and you must not love people the way you want, need, and desire to be loved. To make it a little more understandable,

I’ll use myself as an example:

I’m the person that likes and loves being caressed, touched and held… the touchy feel type. So what usually happens with my husband is I touch him a lot because I like to be touched. It isn’t the way he loves it’s the way I want to be loved so in bad communication terms we tend to express our love for others the way we want them to love us… with our own love language… When you find yourself doing this the only advice I can give is to apologize, take a step back, and ask for those gestures to be given unto you. People will love you the way they know how until you communicate the way you need and want to be loved by them. Even then they may not be able to provide it the way you would like it, it does not meant they do not know how to love it just means that is the capacity they are capable of loving others at.

Center and ground yourself there’s a better chance to find the balance and keep the balance… 

Buzz Light Year… To infinity and beyond… 

Frozen Moments

Back to the beginning:

Being centered and grounded gives you the ability to let people choose the type of relationship they want to build with you. What I mean by that is, they can choose for it to be good or for it to be bad. Wondering how and why when you have the power to pursue or cut the relationship altogether?

Well let us look at things this way, we all have good and bad within us and we all the right and freedom to create boundaries for our own protection within relationships. The thing that just so happens to always seem to slip our mind is people have intentions and sometimes people just want to see how things play/pan out. This allows a person to test your boundaries, to push when you want to pull, to stay firm when you want to bend. It allows them to tip the scale, your scale when you’re balanced to the good or the bad. However it is up to you as the individual on how you respond and how you proceed with said person/people. In short people as well as you and myself have the ability to choose what type of relationship they want to have with you by the actions and verbalization they display. Once the type of relationship is established you are the person who gets to determine the weight of the relationship, the weight it has on your life, the overall health of the relationship. Do not be afraid to choose you are the one in control of remaining balanced, grounded, and centered, and believe it or not relationships have the ability to affect and effect you, what is theirs can become yours and what’s yours can become theirs,

Relationships have the strength to knock you off of your feet …

#Rooted       #Grounded       #Centered       #Balanced


Strength Lies Within The Center; Strong Apart & Even Stronger Together 

Posted in BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

My Boundaries are:___________

So for a long time I have struggled with setting up boundaries with people who I love, you know like, siblings, husband, parents, close/best friends … those types of people. Now I know you’re probably already thinking:

  1. Why do you need boundaries for people who are so close and important to you?
  2. Because they are so important and close to you shouldn’t they know your boundaries?
  3. Shouldn’t they know you so well that they know what to do and what NOT to do?

happy b.PNG

Truth be told, it’s hard for an individual to pick out their boundaries because we do not always know what we will and will not tolerate until we experience it. We can say one thing and then actually do another, the perspective changes when you’re looking from the outside in and when you’re actually looking at the inside from the outside. This boundary journey is not so easy when you have to acknowledge that:

“what you cannot handle may hurt the ones you love.”

What I mean by that is sometimes we aren’t able to tolerate things or behaviors from our loved ones, so we have to leave them be during times they need us the most. It seems bad and unloving to not be there for your loved ones but the truth is you have to keep self together for self.

How else can your love and affection have an impact on others if you don’t allot those things for yourself?

r & B

Setting up boundaries comes from a place of hurt, each and every person has experienced something in life that has caused them to say, “I will NEVER allow someone to treat me that way again, or allow people to do what they do to me again.” We become familiar with what we do and do not want once our limits have been pushed to the max. If we aren’t careful enough to pay attention to what is transpiring then it will come as a surprise when something happens to make us release the beast from within. Typically that is what happens when we are stretched thin and pushed beyond our limits/or personal boundaries. When the smoke is clear you will hear the words, “They kept messing with me/ They asked for it! I told them to stop.” That’s apparent that you knew your limit was

  1. Already crossed and you decided to not address the situation.
  2. By not addressing the crossed boundary, you suppress what you feel from the first incident.
  3. Normally it happens again and yet another time if not many times after this you suppress the feelings you had from the first encounter and now the encounters that follow.
  4. Is usually the point that you can no longer take anymore and you blow up. Which makes you look bad because now you are not who you say you are.

The point being made is when you feel as though you are about to burst you have allowed and talked yourself, even suppressed yourself beyond your boundaries.

Take a moment and imagine you are a TREE. Whatever tree you want to be…
Your feet are the roots buried deep within the ground to hold you strong, firm, and steady…
You stand short or you stand tall
You have branches as few or as many that you prefer to have.
You have leaves of whatever color, texture, and shape you like.
Feel yourself become one with the ground and the sky.
Feel the wind blow through your leaves and your branches.
Feel the vibration from the song the birds that are nestled in your heart are singing.
Now take a moment to feel and embrace the different types of weather; sunshine, rain, sleet, snow, tornadoes, hurricanes, and so much more.

The leaves are your emotions….
Which ones do you nurture and encourage to grow?
Which ones will your branches detach from and let go?


Sometimes in life we hold onto to people and things that serve us no higher purpose.
Sometimes we hold onto people and things because of the HIGHER purpose they DO serve in our lives. the root of what they do and the position they hold; amazement, happiness, joy, love, life, protection, and warmth

We have to experience storms to shake those leaves loose, because of our unwillingness to let go of them we cannot bare anymore LIFE for another leaf to grow. The ones that we usually hold onto are either pain or joy. They either hurt so bad or they feel so good we don’t want to let go.

YUP it seems scary and hard to do, but just like the different types of leaves and weather you imagined changing, people and things in life change too. When you have that great foundation, your roots planted deep beneath the soil; your greatness and the greatness you know will blossom again and will surely grow.

Bad times in life and relationships don’t mean it’s the end. It’s time to let go and allow something great and new to begin once again.


Posted in BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

“We LOVE Different”

I’m honest and outspoken, I reveal all of my emotions, I hide no pain or sorrow. He’s kept and humble, reserved and guarded with expressions. He’s detail oriented in order to get to his core, I’m headlined I reveal my core. In so many ways we love each other so differently, but our compassion is the same. we bend, sway, and be victorious together. We fight, yell, scream, and curse in defense of each other. Without me there is no him, and without him there is no me. It makes you wonder how we can be so much alike yet so very different in love with one another?

Somebody asked, “Why is it we can ALWAYS and will ALWAYS have a voice for our children(I’m adding “others”) but sometimes remain silent when it comes to our OWN well-being?

For the first time in a long time I opened up an additional piece of hurt in my heart to be honest enough with self and say:

  • Because LOVE is living for somebody not with somebody.
  • Because SOMETIMES we just know who is and is not worth our energy.
  • Because SOMETIMES we don’t know what #SelfLove and #SelfProtection (boundaries) are until they are crossed.
  • Because SOMETIMES being what we didn’t have to someone else gives us a reason to live.

It felt good to feel so free and peaceful. Calm and serene to accept that, “Yes I have been hurt and burned before too. But I didn’t give up on love, I didn’t give up on myself. I knew the better part of me needed to be released, it needed to be good I was feeling the way that I felt. Being able to understand and know why we love self less helps us start loving self more. We begin to fill in those voids with the correct type of love with the correct type of people at the correct time and the correct reasons. No matter how far apart and whatever reason the distance be it small or great… physical form may be detached but heart, mind, body (when you think you feel, when you feel your body senses), and soul are still attached.

Remember LOVE is internal (#MayaAngelou) in order for it to be eternal

When you’re tired and you fought a good fight … #God is all knowing so silence is my Ally… -Sway Washington #BishopMarks