Posted in Balance, BlackPower, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Patience, Positive Thinking, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused

Magickal Tears

Something is happening, and I’m not quite sure exactly what it is (I am, I just don’t share all of my secrets like that). However I can feel the magick whistle and blow in the air. When I see what I feel tears form to produce the beauty in my storm. How magickal these tears are that my mind can see the future from afar….How powerful our minds are that we can procreate and create all at once.
 
Manifestation…. the ability to make things happen with a little tweak of the mind…
 
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Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, Balance, BlackPower, Family, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Unity

Restart With A Mindful Yew/You

With the Solar Eclipse happening on Monday, we all now have the chance to start fresh, begin again. A second chance at whatever it is that we were once wishing, praying for a do over on. The solar eclipse is and was a power button, the power button to life in all forms. Humans, animals, insects, reptiles, plants, and even water, let’s include the air because it bends, flows, and moves in ways that nothing and no one can.

In a long time, a very long 99 years the earth and those who live upon it have been in constant movement. Never truly giving ourselves a moment to just “be still” and look around. It’s so intriguing how when we don’t follow the rules of self nature has a way of making us move the way self was guiding us to begin with. Sunday in Midwest region it stormed, and it stormed bad. For some it was awful, for others like myself it was so damn refreshing. It was like the earth (or at least those of us in the path of the eclipse) were getting a release cleansing right along with the very planet we occupied.

You have to be clean in order to get dirty again. You have to empty in order to fill up otherwise you’re just overflowing (that isn’t always a bad thing but in this very instance we will say it is). In order to start again you must first of course, STOP….

Thank you Solar Eclipse…. Thank you Moon and Sun for coming together to bring humanity together. Thank you universe for being the leader in all that we aspire to be and do with you, our loved ones, and our time here.

We stopped to oooo and aahhhhh, we stopped to stare in amazement because it was something we have never witnessed before. We stopped to take pictures (it makes a statement that says, “Hey I was there when this happened). We stopped to bask in the rays of the sun that beamed from behind the moon itself. We stopped to see the ring and the diamond ring that appeared just as the moon/sun begin to shift it’s way back into rotation.

We started again, and some weren’t so sure that the moon and the sun continued on it’s journey so they continued to “be still”.

When the sun begin to shine bright as it normally does, the scenery changed. At least for me it did. I saw things not just with my eye sight but with my mind’s eye and within my spirit. Scarface’s song played in my subconscious “My Angel” I remembered the lyrics, the grass looked greener and the sun brighter”. Restarting my dreams the way they should have been in the first place. Restarting my confidence and belief in myself that not only can I make it in this world. But that “I will make it in this world!”

I paused for a moment because I had to realize that every wish, dream, and manifestation that I was creating at that very moment wasn’t just about me. It was about many others around me and those around me that I don’t even know exist.

Recently I published my website, I was beyond excited. I had viewers from Albequrque New Mexico and London, ON. That was an experience I never imagined happening, so I was in shock and self praising…. I DID IT Dammit! People on the other side of the world looked at me and what I represent. They looked at what I have and what I am giving to the people of this world and what I am giving to the universe. I thought about how whatever i say and do going forward has way much more weight and value to the ears, minds, souls, and spirits it is landing on. I thought about my choices affect other’s choices because now more than ever people around the world are watching me. I thought about how my reactions and responses have more energy behind them than they recently did within my small radius of boundaries. I thought about how accepting acknowledging, and being “Okay” with the consequences of my choices and decisions weigh on others.

If, no scratch that….Since I am a leader, the leader of #SelfLove and #SelfHappiness. The leader of #FindingMe. What better way to show my growth than y teaching what has been revealed to me.

  • When you don’t include yourself it’s difficult for you to include others into what you want to do and are choosing to do.
  • When you put others before you, you’re helping them erase your existence, your needs, and wants.

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How sway right?

How can you be fulfilling to someone else if you have not fulfilled yourself first? If you constantly are putting others ahead of you then you will never know what it is that you need, want, like, love, etc.

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  • Being Mindful of yew(that long living tree)/you keeps you in the know of what you need for yourself in order for you to help yourself so you can help others.

Root healing

 

When you are aware of what you need and want within self you are better able to cater to your needs and wants. That gives you the space to better assist and be a support to others.

  • Be aware that when you are doing and caring for yourself that you are also doing for others.

When we love and take care of ourselves we are also unknowingly taking care of others. When we’re happy our loved ones are happy when something goes wrong within our being something is troubled in our loved ones being. So whatever you put in is also pushed out and that alone either takes care of others or neglects others. it’s your option to either love yourself mindfully or be selfish with your self-love and self-happiness that you push out greatness or negativity.

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  •  Accept that the choices you make don’t just affect you. They affect others also because how you choose to respond and react causes a response and reaction in and out of others.

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When we choose, respond, act, and react without being mindful. We forget that what we unknowingly and knowingly choose to do causes a ripple effect in others. Primarily those around us. So be sure that the choice you decide to go with isn’t what you think to be about yourself.

How will you Restart With A Mindfuil Yew/You?

 

Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, LOVE, Mental Health, Patience, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused

Rejection #WOW

Speaking on knowing when and when not to give up, I came across the fact that with those options , me, you, and we all come to having to face rejection. don’t we all know that sometimes this is very far from being easy to do. It was a sparkle of light that shimmered across my face and I began to jot down notes on exactly how rejection has made me feel in my past , present, and how it could (if I give it the power to) make me feel in the future.

How do you feel when you have been rejected?

I wrote at the top of my paper inside of my #FindingMe notebook (soon will be available for purchase).

  • Let down
  • Less than
  • Unworthy
  • It was All for NOTHING

Your confidence & belief in self (sometimes others as well) drastically dissipates. You lose interest in yourself, others, and your goals. Eventually your goals begin to change in different directions that involve different people and things.

Guarded, untrusting of self and others, becoming more nonchalant.

Lesson Learned?

  1. Everything and everyone is not meant for you.
  2. Rejection is a form of failure. You may not have won the battle the way you would have liked to, but you won…. Pay attention to your marks.
  3. You very well may be worth more than the person who rejected you and the thing that wasn’t beneficial for you.
  4. Just like any other negative or positive, it is only as good or as bad as YOU make it.

Overcome….

  1. Forgive yourself
  2. Trust yourself to do your best again . Acknowledge and accept that no matter what you are not able to control people or things. Some rejection is good rejection(hence pay attention to your marks). You will either learn to believe in yourself or you will continue to be swiss cheese filling voids with people and things not meant for you. Those who want to control you and materialize you.
  3. Start Again!!!! Not with the same person/thing (unless there’s a winning chance, fool me once shame on you. Fool me two times shame on me! Fool me three times shame on both of us).
  4. Where did you grow through all of this?

With rejection you have control it and not let it control you. Rejection can cause damage in so many forms and fashions. What matters most is that you not only bounce back but you become wise in your learning and growing.Learn what needed to be learned, do NOT do that again, and grow from there.

You have The Key When one door closes another one opens you have the power to choose how these doors operate….

Encouragement piece:

Prelude to a Parting

By: Maya Angelou

Beside you, prone,

my naked skin finds

fault in touching .

Yet it is you

who draws away.

The tacit fact is,

the awful fear of losing

is not enough to cause a fleeing love

to stay.

Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, Balance, Inner Child, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Positive Thinking, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Stay Focused

Game Over

Give Up

Outlet for my cries outlet for my anger.
Sometimes these feelings put me in danger….
Of my self because I’m so use to dancing in the rain….
I’m tired of hiding my pain.
I just want to release
I just want to let go
I promised you & myself hurting me is something I wouldn’t do any more!
This skin you’ve given me is very tough to verbal abuse; Only tender to his caressing touch.
The mind you carefully created, nurtured, and coached into growth
How can anyone expect me to corrupt my oath?
I’m set for self-destruction if it ever comes to any thing or any one halting your mass production.
This doesn’t mean I’m a possible suicide…it just means that it’s only in you my everything resides.
Count down starting from 10…(inhale) 9, 8, 7,…
3, 2, 1…. 0 Exhale…It’s amazing how we find the strength to weather the storms coming over and over again.

Shantay S. McKennie

go

This was me maybe 5 years ago. Feeling as though I was tired, more than sick and tired of everything and everyone. I needed and wanted it to just be me, with me, by me, for me, nothing and no one else. Man I am more than glad those days are gone.

I wanted to talk about giving up to focus on some key points of giving up and how we NEVER focus on self when it comes to giving up. We are always focused on other things and people but never self.  So……

“When do we know it’s time to call it quits?”

Sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t but what we do know is at that very moment we feel and want to give up more than we want to focus on anything or anyone else. Here are four signs of wanting to give up

  1. Feeling like we aren’t making any progress.
  2. feeling like and actually giving out more than we are receiving.
  3. Feeling like and actually running out of options and ideas of how to press forward.
  4. You have lost love, happiness, support and interest in said person or thing….

All of these are signs that you are wanting and feeling like it is time to call it quits, GAME OVER.

Now I have four questions for you to contemplate on, let them marinate before you read any further. Maybe even jot down your answers as they come to mind (you can always go back and revise them, it isn’t set in stone even if you did write it down).

  1. Can you/Are you able/capable of going without said person or thing?
  2. Will there be less stress, a sense of release, or will there be a sense of loss/failure as though you haven’t given your all. Like there is more you can do?
  3. What would your life be like without that person or thing?
  4. How bad do you want it? What was the very “first” reason for your WHY?
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
 Time to sit and think because nature helps all of our troubles flow away…. Give Up/Game Over?

This is a bittersweet moment because sometimes the answer to all of the questions above are reasons for you to give up, pull the chord, Call It Quits…. Game Over. There are also times when the answer to the questions above are so empowering that the only option you leave yourself is to press forward and make it to the top. Then of course there are the times when you have a good and a bad reason for them all, that catch 22. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

These are all normal and expected feelings, it’s also very normal to feel stuck in between the good and the bad. You become the body in the middle balancing the good and the bad. Confused and stressing trying to figure out your options. Considering that we all are aware of these things, let’s focus on what we are able to do to counter act and set the record straight.

  1. Remove yourself (mentally) from the thing or person that you want to give up on. This puts you in a position to focus on something other than what is driving you insane.
  2.  Channel your focus onto something other than what is making you want to give up. When we stop focusing on one thing we tend to come to a solution with the problem we were so dedicated on figuring out in the beginning. Consider it like losing something. As long as you are looking for it you will never find it, once you stop looking it’s right there in front of you *Hidden in plan sight*
  3. Give yourself a pat on the back. Hardly ever and more like never do we give ourselves credit for the things w have accomplished. We focus more on what is wrong and what has went wrong versus what all we have done up until now…. The point we feel like giving up.
  4. SHARE YOUR STORY/ACCOMPLISHMENTS…. This one is my favorite because each and every time you share your story
    (please don’t annoy people and make this the topic of discussion every chance you get). When you share your story you begin to see and “hear” what all you actually have done. This will give you the push and encouragement that you need, want and are looking for to make that decision to give up or actually insert another $0.25 to continue the game you may still be in love with.

Bonus: YESS!!!!

Some people and things are not meant for us to have, hold, keep, or even cherish. Most times those are the ones we fight so hard for. Ultimately it is your options and primarily your decision that matters. Not anyone else’s. Others can help you if you would like for them to help you figure it out. No one and I do mean no one can or should make you choose what’s best in love and happiness for you.

gao

We do not fight enough for the things and people that are meant for us and that primarily includes self….

Insert Coin To Continue To Play

Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, Balance, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Patience, Positive Thinking, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused

Anger’s Energy & Power #WOW

On a regular basis we are nose breath to heart beat with anger. Out of sheer self-misunderstanding we focus on our anger disregarding what caused us to be angered in the beginning. I was approached by a special person who will be a special guess on the Facebook Live Word Of the Week. I was asked could this person talk about anger on my next video. It inspired me to reach the darkest corners of angers home.

What is the damage that anger causes to our bodies?

*Stress                                              * Affects the liver

* Disturbs the heart                      * Lose feeling waist down

Anger also causes us more sorrow, apologies, loss of loved ones and freedom, and financial debts.

Instead of addressing the anger alone we have to first admit that we are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually affected by “hurt.” This is what causes anger to brew in us all. We give ourselves a higher option to project our anger from being hurt in a more effective way by settling the dust inside of self. Meaning what are you really bothered by/with that is causing your anger to swell?

Once we gain control of our hurts, pains, sorrows, etc. Our negative feelings and lower vibrations we  become more equipped with our physical being. We have now taken the control back over our emotions, mental, and spiritual powers.

How to release the beast within:

  1. Let It Out… In a healthy of course #TTfM & #TTfW exists for this very reason. Adults do not get to whine and cry, stomp, kick, jump, and basically throw a tantrum. If you are not aware of this in the #FindingMe universe now you are. Other things you can do is speak/vent with family, friends, counselors, and therapists. This is what a support system entails. Just be sure to sometimes expect feedback or a solution to what you have allowed to anger you. 
  2. Cool/Cold Water/Towels…. It works far better than you can imagine. When I first learned of this I begged to differ it myself. I was proven wrong by taking a sip of that yummy water LOL. 
  3. Breathe and a think to yourself…. does it/are they really deserve your attention and is it worth your energy and time in this manner or at all for that matter!? 
  4. What are your consequences, what will be the outcome of you responding and reacting in a vulgar, aggressive, and angry way? Will you end up with financial issues, will you end up apologizing, regretting what you said and/or did once you obtain your sense of clarity again….

Bonus: 

If you are NOT in the wrong and you did nothing wrong, you don’t have anything to prove. So why be angry, why fight? Why are you defending yourself? What are you looking to prove besides you are NOT wrong and you did nothing wrong? 

Let’s talk about this so you can be better than you were the last time some one pissed you off. Also don’t miss out on the special guest appearance on Facebook Live:

Facebook Live 8:08 p.m.

 

Posted in #WOW Word Of the Week, Balance, BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Unity

Difficult Self(Root)-Healing?

Our memories,

Our memories are tied to our feelings at the time of the event. If we were in a place that made us feel afraid then whatever happened at that place is tied to fear. If we were happy during the moment then we relate the memory to happiness. If we experienced a traumatizing moment then our memories are tied to specific things that we focused on in that time of being traumatized.

Healing:

  1. Pull up those roots
  2. detox; cleanse your wound
  3. Nurture; tend to your wounds and spirit.
  4. Set up boundaries

Bonus: Find your growth from the pain. Do not allow it to be the reason you don’t live your life with inner peace, self happiness, and self love. 

We are going to get more than just mental, spiritual, and emotional, let’s include some physical work with this. Think of yourself as a plant, flower, or something that grows with tender love and care. What does your spirit resonate with well? What speaks to you and syncs with your being?

Find your roots of pain and imagine yourself ripping them out of yourself! Don’t be afraid of the pain you’re already experiencing it. You’ve been experiencing it, and you’ve been holding onto it for how long!? It isn’t an easy task to identify the pain within us at times, because it isn’t like we always know the pain exists. When you find it no matter what the case may be rip those roots of hurt, anger, and pan out of you. Create the space for the wound to do what it will naturally do best. HEAL

Detox, cleanse, purge I mean literally let go of the things that plague your mind, body, soul, and spirit. At some point you have a choice to accept that your pain will only stay there because of you not letting go of it. Darkness can only be present when your light refuses to shine. When you refuse to shine. Do not put anything or anyone in this space that you have opened up. You need to allow yourself to be clear and cleansed of your dis-ease.

Nurture your wound(s) give yourself some me time. Love yourself the best way you are able to love yourself and the way you wish others would have loved you. The way you trusted, expected, and depended on them to love you. If you wished your parents loved you more love yourself in those ways. If you wish your siblings would have done more sibling bonding type of things. Then bond with yourself int hose ways and fashions. There are times when we begin our healing process that we aren’t capable of putting out that type of love for ourselves to ourselves. This is okay it comes with time, patients, and compassion. There are people out there that want to love us in the ways we want, need, and deserve to be loved. The way we wanted those other people to love us. These are the people we call our second moms and dads, our best friends that become like a sister/brother to us. These people will love you unconditionally, you just have to allow them to and you also have to allow yourself to love yourself unconditionally as well. do not abuse these people’s types of love either. It isn’t always easy to love others during a healing process. there are ups, downs, turn arounds, and so much more. Just be willing wot work on the relationship with each other and give each other the space and time needed to help your relationship grow.

Setting up boundaries are largely confused with having walls within us that keep people from ever entering into our realms. Walls are just that different, you have to tear them down, access windows, doors, and maybe even keys in order to get into the lives of those people who have these walls in their beings. Boundaries are different, they give the space necessary to see, respond, react, and more importantly trust yourself with allowing people to come closer. Imagine standing inside of a circle however big or small is completely up to you. However big or small determines a lot of what you will and will not tolerate. Once you have established these boundaries if it makes matters better write them down and hang them up in a place where you are reminded of your own boundaries and others see them to. It builds respect for self and others as well as them building more respect for you.

Grow through it and Grow OUT OF IT!!!! You are not your experiences and you are not your pain, it does not define you. That is not who you are meant to be, it was only meant for you to learn and grow from. 

Back to the item of growth be it plant, flower, food, or another thing that grows with your help. I want you to remember these things:

  • Some plants/flowers require more work to help them stay alive than others do. Some do not require much work at all. Once you resonate and sync yourself with this plant/flower/thing I want you to journal how it feels to cater to something so needy, tedious, or independent. Which one are you?
  • If you do not care for your plant/flower/thing you have allowed it to die. you have allowed your healing process to die as well.
  • congratulate yourself and be happy that you have at least began the process of healing. It isn’t an easy thing, it feels good, and the most important thing I want you to take from this is It takes time to get to the other side that you really want to be at. The finish line is there just focus on your progress of staying in the race.

I’m happy that you found a new place to plant the seeds of love and light inside of the dark spots of your mind, body, spirit, and soul.

You Can Heal

Live Tonight @ 8:08 p.m.

 

Posted in Balance, BlackLOVELives, BlackPower, Family, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

Fill Me Up Like The Moon

Dear Me, We, You…..

I was reading last night as I have been doing for the past week right before bed. I ran across this intriguing sentence that seemed to have turned on a light inside of my mind. Not that the light wasn’t on before, this was just a different light. A light of perspective and intuition. See this week I started reading before bed to help me unwind, remember I just admitted to not being able to sleep or shut off my brain. Well another reason I begin reading is because I have been having a horrendously major migraine that I just cannot seem to shake. It comes, it goes, its strong, its delicate, and it has held it’s persistency since the beginning. Usually a good nap, some great food, hot shower, something is able to relieve me of my pain and the annoyance of the pain. To my avail nothing and I do mean nothing was sufficient enough to aid me or comfort and console the plaguing migraine. Reading has become a distraction to help me at least fall asleep and calm my mind. Nonetheless that isn’t the aim of this bedtime journal entry.

Back to the thing, the thing that turned on the light in my head….

The sentence….“The last kernel in the bottom of the can.” I had begun to feel like the last kernel in the popcorn can. The light inside of my mind, helped me to realize that I have more than just a tendency to empty myself out prior to every Full Moon. I empty myself out and prepare to be filled back up to the maximum amount I am capable of filling myself up to. It has almost become a part of my 28 day cycle. A form of detoxing and or purging. A way to burn out and recharge. On a daily basis I Am giving and receiving, nurturing and watering, strengthening myself as I grow. I Am pouring myself out to be of service to self and others, so that I may be filled up again to continue my purpose.

If I never allow myself to truly empty out all of the things that actually do have the power to plague my spirit. Then I Am never really growing into what was written for me to be. With every plant that lives and every breath that breathes we must first utilize and consume the nutrients given and provided to us before we need, want, and receive more.

With all that is in this world and the people of this world need to grow from and let go of I will the power of the Super Strawberry Full Moon to supply the strength necessary within ones self/itself. To dive deep inside of self and pull up the weeds that are destroying and killing the gardens of #SelfLove & #SelfHappiness

Fill me up like the moon, Fill me up like the moon, Fill me up like the moon;

Let my heart be happy soon, Let my heart be happy soon, Let my heart be happy soon

Pour out to be filled, Pour out to be filled Pour out to be filled. 

Let the soul cry so the spirit can heal, Let the soul cry so the spirit can heal, Let the soul cry so the spirit can heal. 

3 times 3 times 3 times 3 

I will it so, so will it BE 

Place the power of Love In Light Inside of Thee

I Did It..

I filled up like the moon

Posted in Balance, BlackLOVELives, BlackPower, Family, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

Manifestation

So earlier this week I was challenged to do a video about manifestation.
What is manifestation, how does manifestation work, how do I know if I am doing it right?
So many questions ran through my mind about reaching my perspective audience and viewers. I wanted so badly to make sure I answered foreseen questions so people would at least give it a shot. Test your manifestation skills. I procrastinated a lot because normally I do NOT write out what I will say I like to let my intuition and wisdom guide me in the right direction. So finally after a few days of whirlwinds in life that we all have, and finally choosing to set a tone and date and time. I laid back in my car during my lunch break and did a rough draft video, something I could listen to go back change and work from there. I was combating with a migraine that started brewing at the beginning of this week and it finally hit me hard enough to make me STOP, to make everything stop and for me to just rest and recharge. Planning to get this video done was at a stand still and it gave me a sigh of relief because for a moment I started to feel unsure of myself. Last night was round two of relaxing and getting my being back together, as soon as I snuggled into my comfort zone I quickly remembered that my deadline for the Manifestation video was the 8th! It’s something about the infinite sign that pushes me in ways I don’t want to be pushed. Still feeling a mess among looking a mess I gathered myself and did another 3 video before actually going with my final one. now the kicker to this story is I order a notebook and pen with my logo on it last week and was overtly anxious to receive it. I just had to feel it and see it in person, hold it in my hand. Well I received it and held it in my hand, looked at it with my own two eyes and was happy with what I designed. I didn’t know what this notebook would be used for but I knew it was meant to be a part of #FindingMe. I promised Dr. Sonia that I would write it out and push the necessary and needed energy behind it. My husband told me to wait and do it today, on Friday, Full Moon day. He felt that me being underneath my spirit would transfer into the video and it wouldn’t come out as best as I would like it to. Stubborn me pushing forward I tightened myself up and grabbed that brand new #FindingMe notebook and pen and to work I went. Writing and creating, Manifesting what this video became.
As I read the words on the page and felt the energy behind what I wrote I begin to brew and cook up more than just some manifestation. I begin speaking things and seeing things. I begin calling others to not just dream and wish for their futures because dreaming and wishing is the best way to describe what manifesting is to someone new. I coached others into actually “seeing” their future. Not with their human, body’s eyes, but with their minds eye…..
Manifesting is like prayer:
  • you dream 
  • You’re inspired
  • You ask
  • You receive 

Here are my 4 steps to manifesting

  1.  Know what you want and the type of person you want. 
  2. Make/create the room for it/them to come to you. 
  3. Believe once you have asked. 
  4. DO NOT, I repeat do not feel negative, speak negative, speak against what you have put into manifestation. DO NOT doubt it. 

Bonus: Have the confidence and respect of self in knowing it’s yours, that it belongs to you and you are worthy and more than capable. Otherwise everything you have created will either vanish into thin air as if it were never there to begin with. Or it takes a detour and makes it longer to come to you. 

Then you are left to start over literally 

Kicker:
I never wrote that down.
See with your minds eye (3rd eye) what your future beholds.
You are manifestation
Posted in Balance, Inner Child, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Unity

Beautiful

“You gone keep fucking around and make me kill somebody.”

Those were the words that I needed to hear in order to choose a better life, in order to save lives. Lives like mine, my children, and whoever else that could or would possibly get caught in the line of fire. That night I slept with my guardian angel statue by my bedside. She was a gift from my baby sister, a form of spiritual protection and physical protection. One of her wings was broken, she was heavy and could be what I needed for survival if necessary, she was my choice of a weapon. I found it hard to sleep and could only wait for the time he left to go to work. That was the time I napped and planned my escape. I was a stay at home mother because I had lost my job by failing a drug test. I dropped dirty with marijuana in my system because I was told and forced to smoke with him even when I didn’t want to. It was the way we got along and the way we spent our time together after work, before work, and in general, it was the only love language we spoke with each other. I referred to it as , “our common ground.”

I viewed myself as eye catching because I Am beautiful on the outside. The trouble was I had deep rooted, ugly scars and wounds on the inside. They showed; not to all but to those who know what pain and lack of #SelfLove looks like. I wasn’t a mean or negative person unless I had to be and I chose to be. More than not I chose to be ugly by acting ugly, looking for love in all the wrong places with all the wrong faces and cases. As I’m writing I slightly chuckle because these are the times in our lives when we “think” we love ourselves. No one can tell us otherwise, and we are PRIDEFUL of who we are, what we do, how we act and it shows. It shows that being ugly to the bone has the potential to be real in our lifetime. Back then I was the type of person that pointed the finger at him, *yeah, my ex-husband*. He was the blame for me acting ugly. He was the blame for me not wanting to do right and choosing to do wrong when I wanted to do right. I could admit that I wasn’t the stand-up woman and that I did things out of spite, however my reasoning for doing things out of spite was because he did it…. He did it first, and he did it to me first, I didn’t purposely hurt him and choose to do wrong unless he did it to me. I purposely chose to do wrong when I got tired of begging and pleading to him that what he was doing hurt us, hurt me and it was hurt in general.

I had a conversation with him and things I could never understand the answers to, gave me reasons for my whys and how comes…I saw that even with all that he did to me and all that I allowed him to do to me was only pushing me to LOVE me. It was pushing me to be more than just in tune with self, it pushed me to be me. It pushed me to fight for myself because no one else would and even when they did, I stopped them. I stopped them from protecting me, loving me, and showing me, that not everyone in this world was out to hurt Shantay. It just felt that way because that was the only way I knew how to feel, it was the only way I had ever felt … people, the ones I loved the most hurt me, I hurt me. After running from self and the pain that others did inflict on me, the pain I allowed to happen over and over continuously to me. I gathered myself and I started taking ownership for the things I was doing wrong to myself. For a while I didn’t care that others hurt me because what was more important to me is Shantay. What is Shantay doing to allow this, to influence and encourage the things that were happening to Shantay? I didn’t find many answers as to what I was doing but I found many reasons to not do what I was currently doing and what I had done before.

I found “Beautiful” reasons to love me the way I wanted others to love me when I didn’t love me. 

I found “Beautiful” reasons to know I Am just as beautiful inside as I was outside. 

I found “Beautiful” reasons to take a different approach on myself with myself for myself, 

I Found “Beauty Inside of Me….

Beautiful in many ugly ways. Beautiful through my hurt, through my pain. Beautiful within my anger, within my storm. Beautiful By Just Being Me, Loving Me. 

I share this with you to give you the mindset of facing what you inflict onto and into yourself. To help you see that it isn’t always someone else you need to blame or someone else that you should blame. Sometimes and most times it is YOU, ourselves, it is WE, us who makes the choice to allow that misery loves company inside our souls. Once you pick apart that demon, the demon you think is in someone else you will see that it is you.

It is you that opens your own gates to hell, unlock the cuffs and release yourself from your own pain. Walk ahead of your strength and allow it to follow it in your shadows, remember leaders can lead without standing on the front lines…

 

I Found My Beauty, I Found ME

Posted in Balance, BlackPower, Family, LOVE, Mental Health, Mindfulness, OneLove, Patience, Positive Thinking, Post A Day, Relationships, Self Growth, Self Help, Self Love, Spiritual Life Coach, Stay Focused, Strong Black Families, Unity

Which One Are YOU?

I woke up this morning with a lot of thoughts about my dreams that were racing through my mind. One thought after another, they all begin to come and fade away. But something stuck, something resonated, I had to share it. I ignored it for a moment because just like most humans we doubt that what we say and do in this lifetime and in this world will have an affect/effect. So we choose to keep it to ourselves and remain silent. But this, it beckoned my soul to be released and set free.

See not to long ago we and by we I mean the #FindingMe Group were discussing how what we don’t like in others is something that resonates within self. It resonates within self if we look deep enough to see that game recognize game instead pointing the finger at the betrayer when the betrayer is self. Well out of me feeling less than effective I chose to start my day and as I begin to drive my children to their destinations being school I paused mentally for a moment and I asked them to do a challenge for me, for them, for us.

Just for the day, TODAY, 

I want you to perform a 3 step challenge today just to see how what we do attracts others of like minds. How we mirror each other, how we invite things and people along problems, situations and circumstances into our beings, our worlds, our lives, and our spirits.

Are you ready?
Step 1:
Act ratchet and obnoxious, see who and what comes your way and see who and what leaves your presence.
Step 2:
Act classy with poise, grace, mannerism, and etiquette. See who and what comes your way and who and what leaves your presence.
Step 3:
Which one do you prefer to be around, and behave like,which one is the way you prefer to be viewed. More importantly which one are you?

Once I get home and dinner is served, you know when we sit at the table as a family, no electronics, no television just people, family, food, and real conversation. We will discuss what happened and how it happened, what or how did they feel noticing that their actions contribute to their learning and trials of life. So many times I see and hear adults, grown adults complaining about what isn’t right and what is wrong. Pointing their finger at the other person, wondering, “where they went wrong?” For someone THEY loved and trusted to do them so bad. Not for one second thinking what happened on their end how did they contribute to the driving forces that push against their greater good.

All these things left to question without an answer because those are the answers we do not seek from self, only from someone else. 

What usually tends to happen is we behave and act certain ways and then when people come to us that act those very same ways, we look at them in disgrace and wonder what in the world made such a person come our way? WE did because that’s what and who we are and what/ who we are attracting into our lives. So when you get around people who don’t seem to fit the puzzle of life, YOUR LIFE, don’t freight, just re-address yourself and the atmosphere. Have you welcomed them or did they come to teach you a lesson of letting go, one of growth, one of self-change, one of acknowledgement, one of reflection? whatever it may be if you expect or want things and people around you to change and grow, then YOU TOO MUST CHANGE AND GROW.

Now don’t forget with change and growth that means you shed new skin and you travel onto different places and sometimes those people you want to change and grow with you may not be ready, they may not be willing, and they may not know exactly how to implement that into their lives.

Just don’t let their abilities of being stagnant settle inside of you, “Remember” WHO & WHAT YOU ARE, WHO & WHAT YOU WANT TO BE, WHO & WHAT YOU ARE DESTINED TO BE…. 

Which One of These Types Of People Are You?

I AM…..